I think I got one of the most horrible phone calls of my life last night. My biological dad called (which...I dunno if many of you know this...but we dont talk much.) So I answered the phone, already in kind of an...im not going to say upset mood because of the Thanksgiving I had...(which consisted of Devin eating silently, then going back up to the guest bedroom and playing on his comp and Xbox) but I was a little upset. Anyway, drifting, sorry. He calls and tells me that my grandpa has just killed himself. And I start crying all over again.
And I ask him, I thought the cancer was gone. Yes, he tells me, yes the cancer was gone. He was done with the cemo...he was just really depressed about all the money they owed to the doctors from it.
This is the same grandpa that I didnt see before I left for Hawaii, because I was too sick to get out of bed. Noo, I thought, I'll see him when I go home next year. It'll be fine.
Then the phone calls started. Well, I called my mom first, trying to get ahold of myself, telling her how my grandma was there when it happend. They had just gotten through eating pie...and she went to clean up.
I'm sorry if this sounds worded really weird...I'm not really thinking about it. I'm just kind of typing. I'm trying so hard...with everything else thats happend this weekend...to not just loose it...and it's getting really hard. So my minds not really on sentence structure right now.
I told Devin about it, still crying, and he said, "Well...I dont know how to deal with death. I'm not the best person to be telling this to." I just wanted to be held. For Gods sake I didnt want him to preach to me, I just needed a little comfort.
