yeah, been feeling down all day. this morning i managed to get myself feeling better by thinking happy thoughts (like that time i almost burned my face off making a chicken flambe. that was a fun day). then ofcoure my mom (not you tubs) goes and wrecks it as usual. she goes and tells me that her and dad are gona get me a new bed and stuff, like they told me several times several years ago, back when i was little. or like how dad keeps saying that he will fix my computer so i can print again. and a million other things that use to fill me with hope that something good was going to happen, and then they never made good on their word. now when they do it, it nearly incapacitates me with anger and sadness. it makes me so angry because it was one of the things that made me so angry growing up. parents are supposed to be some one you can rely on, yet i never could, not even to take me somewhere. they would always put off taking me to the store till the next day or next week because they were "tired" or some other dam excuse. it's like i'm to angry and sad to yell or even talk or form thoughts or anything. it's days like that i just want to walk out of the room, but they would take notice of that. and then make an issue of it. and that's always just another headache. one i never need.
