DATE: 01/22/2008 19:16:04 / MOOD: mischievous

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells... "Holy Mary, Mother of God hand lotion too!"

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DATE: 01/21/2008 15:57:33 / MOOD: mischievous

 Ifyou yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat 1 cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (now that’s more like it) A pigs orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (in my next life I want to be a pig) (how’d they figure this out, and why?) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (still can’t get over that pig thing) (don’t try this at home, maybe at work?) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (is that why Flipper is always smiling?) (and pigs get 30 minute orgasms? doesn’t seem fair) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm…..) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (if you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight, and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (from drinking little bottles of….?) (did taxpayers pay for this research?) Polar bears are left handed. (who knew?….who cares? How’d they find out? Ask them.) (does that mean they’ll die faster?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (what can be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?_ The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes….can you imagine?? And why pigs?) A cokeroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death. (creepy) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while it’s head is attached to it’s body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. (honey I’m home. What the….) (well, at least pigs get a break there…) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (in my next life, I still want to be a pig….quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (oh geez….that’s almost as bad as catfish) An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain. (I know some people like that) Starfish don’t have brains. (I know some people like that too) After reading all these, all I can say is……………………… …………………Lucky Pigs!

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